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My Favourite Football Team…whoops

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I’ve long believed that football, the beautiful game, has the power to heal cultural differences, creating understanding and comradeship amongst avid followers across the world. No matter what your language, religion, gender, race or nationality, the moment two or more people begin to debate their love/hate relationships with Manchester United or the intricacies of the offside law, barriers come down and friendships are formed.

Or so I thought.

In the Arab world, nothing damages the male ego more than loss of respect. That moment when you, and everyone around you, realizes you’ve dropped a clanger. At work, at home, down the mosque – it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’ve done – mistakes are the fastest route to losing face.

Take a recent incident in Doha – the moment when it dawned on a guy who engaged me in a friendly football debate that he was on dodgy ground. Attempting to display an in-depth footie knowledge he didn’t possess, my acquaintance began our brief conversation by claiming his love of football, in particular English football. Not wanting to appear discourteous, I asked him the name of his favorite English football team. Suddenly a look of panic appeared on his bearded face. You see, by and large Arabs don’t react well when they’re put on the spot. Attempting to extricate himself from his predicament, my friend frantically searched his (small) football brain for something to demonstrate his avowed footie knowledge, before blurting out ‘Beckham…Beckham United.” Oh well, back to the camel racing.
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You know it’s mid-January in the Middle East 2…

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…when some of the world’s top sports’ stars pitch up in the Gulf for some lucrative early-season competition.

Here in Doha, the ATP tennis tour visited town a couple of weeks back and this Thursday (24 January) sees the arrival of the European Golf tour for the $2.5 million Commercial Bank Qatar Masters, the 2nd leg of their early season Middle East mini-tour – tournaments in Abu Dhabi and Dubai sandwich the Doha event.

The presence of 107 of the world’s top golfers should be inspiring young local golfers to take up the game. But conspicuous by its absence from the Entry List at all three events is an Arab competitor.

The two Indian participants will feel at home in Doha amongst Qatar’s large Asian expat population, and local media coverage will include the ubiquitous photo opportunity with smiling local children. But neither the golf not tennis tournaments feature a single Arab name.

Qatar is pouring tens of millions of dollars into its Aspire Academy but as yet there is no sign of a single local sporting talent emerging onto the world stage. When Aspire are pushed on the subject, the answer is always the same – we have high hopes of next year’s graduates.

So how will Qatar produce its own golf stars of tomorrow, as China and Thailand are now doing? The lead must come from the Doha Golf Club, Aspire Academy and the Qatar National Olympic Committee, who need to work in partnership to provide golfing facilities for young Qataris. Doha needs a driving range, also a second, non-Championship course that encourages young players and those with less ability than Tiger Woods to take up the sport.

Aspire needs to establish a golf education program for Qataris. The country has the funds and golf is a sport Qatari’s would feel comfortable playing, promoting as it does a clean cut public image and demanding standards of behaviour far higher than nearly all other professional sports.

And one other thing – local golfers have to show the talent, desire and willingness to overcome cultural barriers to succeed, otherwise the Middle East PGA mini-tour will continue to be a lucrative European payday and lack true local interest.
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You know it’s mid-January in the Middle East 1…

9:01 AM
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…because, in a stunning piece of scheduling stupidity, our cable channel (Showtime) is broadcasting the premiere of a Christmas movie, Santa Claus 3.
Actually, the name is irrelevant.
Memo to Showtime Head of Scheduling: you broadcast Christmas movies before or at Christmas – not 1 month after. Or maybe I missed the point and Santa Claus 3 is part of the Showtime Christmas 2008 schedule
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“and the host of the 2016 Summer Olympics is…..Doha” Part 2 – The Hurdles

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Make no mistake – anyone who knows Qatar knows the country possesses the money, the capacity and the will to stage the Olympics. So why am I not anticipating taking my seat at the 2016 Opening Ceremony in Doha just yet?

First Bid
Despite the fact no Arab city has ever hosted the Olympics, Doha’s bid faces several tough obstacles, not least of which is the fact that no first-bidding Olympic city has been successful in the last 50 years.

Sporting/Olympic tradition
Qatar has a small population. Of the 1 million who reside here, only 200,000 are Qatari nationals, a tiny population which makes global sporting success difficult. Qatar has no great Olympic tradition – two medals in its entire history, won by a Bulgarian-born weightlifter and a Kenyan-born runner, each persuaded to change their name in return for a financial incentive.
Qatar does possess an influential, sports-fanatic Heir Apparent, who is a current International Olympic Committee (IOC) Member, which will go a long way to influence other members about the value of Doha’s bid.

Local Public Support
Another major hurdle for Qatar is public support for the Olympics, and for sport in general. Official public opinion may say the country wants the Olympics and I’m sure everyone would be delighted of they win. Success would show great respect for Qatar and its people – something all Arab nations value extremely highly.
However, when it comes to sporting participation and active support, the country is lacking. Football, horse and camel racing are popular – nearly every other sport is not. The 2006 Asian Games suffered from a lack of active local support. Upon receiving the award a 2 week public holiday during the Games, the first stop for most Qatari national’s was the travel operator, not the ticket office, such was their haste to take advantage of an extra overseas vacation rather than support their country’s most high profile global event.

Global Public Opinion
I’d be sticking my head in the sand if I didn’t acknowledge that global public opinion of the Arabian Gulf, especially in North America and Europe, won’t play a significant part in deciding the destiny of Doha’s Olympic bid. Like Europe, the Middle East is a big region with many countries and different cultures. In the same way as European nations such as Ireland and Greece have a totally different feel to them, so it is with Egypt and Qatar, or Lebanon and Oman. Standing on the Doha Corniche at sunset, war-torn Iraq might as well be on a different planet. But will IOC members and the media in Tokyo and Toronto see Qatar in this way?

Next time: “and the host of the 2016 Summer Olympics is…..Doha” Part 3 – The Rivals
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“And the host of the 2016 Summer Olympics is…..Doha” Part 1

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Just the words everyone in Qatar hopes to hear International Olympic Committee (IOC) President Jacques Rogge utter in Copenhagen in October 2009, when the IOC announces the host city for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.

You see, the vast majority of my readers outside the Arabian Gulf (though I accept the words ‘vast’ and ‘majority’ demonstrate serious delusions about the popularity of this blog) maybe don’t know where the State of Qatar is, let alone that our capital city, Doha, announced last November it was an official Applicant City to host the 2016 Olympics.

The same readers may consider Doha’s chances of success extremely slim, given they are up against more high profile rivals, appealing destinations such as Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Chicago (ok, maybe Chicago isn’t appealing – I’ve been twice so feel qualified to comment). Also in the race when I last checked were Prague and Azerbaijan capital, Baku.

Yes, the idea of Doha becoming the first city in the Arab World to host the Olympics may seem strange to some. But having already proved their ability to handle major sporting events as host of the 2006 Asian Games (answering critics who charged Qatar was unprepared for such an undertaking), the country already has much of the necessary infrastructure in place. Financing the Olympics, the topic of endless debates in London, Athens, Sydney and earlier Olympics host cities, is not an issue in a country currently enjoying an economic boom on the back of controlling 20% of known global natural gas reserves and extensive oil resources.

Add to that a stable political environment, a new airport, 10,000 extra hotel rooms by 2010 and the money to construct and maintain whatever the Olympics needs, and Qatar certainly has the capability to host the Olympics in 2008, never mind 2016.

Next time: Doha 2016 – the hurdles
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the meticulous zamboni

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I like some words more than others, the curse of being a professional writer, I suppose. Why English words? Two reasons. One, with over half a million words, the English language has endless possibilities to amaze. Two, I don’t speak any other language. Here are a few of my favourite words.

Meticulous
Zamboni
Obstreperous
Scot-free
Chortle
Lollipop
Disgraceful
Flatulence
Evanescence
Loathe
Shitty (vulgar slang maybe, but it rocks)
Voluptuous
Exploit
Twit
Sublime
Facetious
Effervescent
Bamboozle
Indubitably
Irksome
Triskadekaphobia
Tortuous
Collude
Beneficial
Jiggery-Pokery…

…and finally, my favourite word of all time, no.
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Christmas, Johannesburg-style

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One of the great things about life in Doha, for me anyway, is I get to spend time with friends and colleagues from all around the world.

At Christmas many of them return to their home country; now they’ve arrived back in Doha, most of them are looking happier and more relaxed than when they left. One friend was chinwagging with my wife last night and, when asked “how was your Christmas in Johannesburg”, her reply brought to mind the Band Aid line “It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid”.

“My Christmas was pretty stressful", my friend replied. "We spent Christmas night clutching 2 baseball bats and other homemade weapons worried about the prospect of being attacked. Our Christmas lunch was accompanied not by carols, but the sound of police sirens touring the area responding to endless burglary calls. And to top everything, my friend got caught up in an armed robbery at the bank the next day”.

And I thought Salford was dangerous.
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Nine million handbags made in Beijing…

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Firstly, my apologies to Katie Melua.

Yesterday we visited the International Consumer Trade Fair, along with what seemed half the population of Doha ( the other half were presumably at the ATP tennis tournament watching Scottish #1 Andy Murray continue his rise to the top of the world rankings. Anyway, the new Qatar International Exhibition Center is state-of-the-art, although parking is going to be a continual problem unless they invest in extra car parking.

Qatar is shopping mad, so the hundreds of small traders, the majority from Egypt, China and Lebanon, were no doubt harboring high hopes of persuading eager local shoppers to part with their cash for, mostly, shoddy goods.

My wife was looking for a new handbag, of which there was a massive choice. Maybe not 9 million but certainly several thousand, including hundreds of Chinese-made fake designer bags. Alas, none met my wife’s exacting standards. There must be a shopping gene which my wife, god bless her, doesn’t possess, as she never settles for anything that doesn’t meet her requirements. Unlike yours truly who tends to purchase the first remotely suitable item he sees in the obviously mistaken belief that I will never the product I need amongst the hundreds of retail opportunities presented to me every week.
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blogspot 1 wordpress 0

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After taking the plunge and deciding to create my blog, I needed someone foolish enough to supply the webspace to host my drivel.

Obviously, at some point I arrived at Blogger.Com. Prior to this I trawled the net checking what other free blog hosts had to offer. After several references to WordPress.com, I decided to investigate. I hadn't gotten far into their site when I found a photo so truly scary and, imho, damaging to WordPress public perception, I instantly disgarded thoughts of entrusting my words of wisdom to a company who, not content with hiring employees who embody the very essence of geek, they choose to promote the fact to the planet. My apologies to anyone on the photo but, guys, some serious style advice and an urgent trip to the mall is a must.
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Police, peas and panic

10:53 PM
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I was worried last night. Actually, more concerned than worried. You see we (long suffering wife and I) live on a cosy compound on the main road out of Doha. These last 3 nights I've heard sirens passing close to our compound and I wondered about the cause.

You see Doha is a peaceful city, at least the official crime figures say so. So what was the cause of our dismay - fire, civil unrest (there was rioting in neighboring Bahrain last month)? After 3 nights, it finally dawned on me - the ATP Tennis Tour is in town, taking place a few hundred meters from here. The sirens were the local police escorting VIP tennis stars to and from the stadium. Panic over.

Although a few hours earlier, the sirens could have been the local fire department heading to our villa. We bought a second-hand microwave last week from what we thought was a reliable friend. Turns out the first time we use it, to prepare a delicious Sadia vegetable lasagne (whoever heard of lasagne with mushy peas, but it tastes fantastic) and the thing bursts into flames. Electrical fire, smoke in the kitchen and a smell still lingering after 24 hours. The manufacturer (Galanz) is not one I'm familiar with, which in Doha means it is a (very) cheap import. We should have expected nothing more, but the guy should have warned us. Goes to show what my old dad used to say: you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.
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